Dominant Alter

Queston: Do any of you have an Alter that the others are afraid of? For example if that one front everyone else "cowers"?

Recently while in session with our therapist, something was brought up during BLS (bilateral stimulation) and an Alter we had no idea was there "choked" us and yelled "no!" and caused a panic attack.

During our next session it's presence was felt, but it was like something watching from the dark, more so than fronting which caused the protector some distress. He (the protector) was "standing in the back" allowing others to talk including the child, which has never been allowed to speak before. My therapist said she noticed the switching during the BLS and said that it took place about 6 times during one pass. 

We don't know what that other Alter is or if it was a collective "No" from the others but it felt singular.

Responses

"Very much have a part who terrifies the others and it has a subsystem(?-not sure what to call it) so essentially multiplies when it needs to do all-the-bad-things. Shuts everything down internally, it doesn’t interact with the outside world."

"Ours is called Madness, and he's usually the last to be called for if something happens. 'Cause once he fronts, everyone dives for cover due to his version of "Scorched Earth Tactics". Once done, he vanishes and leaves the host to clean it all up.

Only the littles love him, and call him "Papa". The rest of us stay out of his way."

So it seems that having a scary Alter is not uncommon. It's not something that is necessarily wanted, but apparently was created for a reason. Now to try to figure out what trauma caused it and seeing about healing it or living it away. 

Alter protecting systems support group

So recently I've noticed that The Protector not only protects the system, but those close and valued by the system. I'm newly diagnosed with DID and come to realize that Im not the one whose protective of my loved ones it's one of the altars. While "Main Me" maintains friendships for the most part, it's the Protector who stands up for friends and loved ones. Today a friend was called out by a group of Karen's who only were talking about a situation that they themselves "knew"

Shopping for an Alter

So over the last few weeks, my fem alter has been coming through really strong and fronting more than usual. The host is typically unkempt and doesn't worry about labels and clothing needs to often and will quite literally wear something that is more holes than functional clothing. But since the fem alter has been fronting more, things like hair, makeup, clothing, and accessories have been sought after, to the point where others are beginning to notice it.

One day the Fem Alter forced a haircut and purchase

My Little is crying and hurt on behalf of another Little

I was called today to come over to a friend's house to talk with their granddaughter, because she was being bullied at school. Some kids were body shaming her and making her cry. So I was asked to come over and talk with her.

In true to form, it legit was kids just being mean, evil, bullies and spewing hatred. As she was telling me what was going on with her, and the things that she was being put through, I felt all the pain and anguish that my younger self went through with the bullying and teasing and name calling. 

I feel so horrible for this child because her home life isn't that great, and her school life isn't that great either. My own inner child could connect with her because my homelife

What music does your system listen to?

Today we find ourselves listening to classical violin while working on 5 different projects. We are doing content creation on all of our different platforms, while editing 2 different websites, and working on 3 different crafts, and stalking our Amazon Package in real time. There is other actual housework that needs to be done ATM, but this is where we find ourselves.

Do you find that depending on who is fronting that the choice of entertainment changes or does your system have a set "go to" that is enjoyed?

Pictures of yourself

When you see yourself in pictures can you recognize yourself or your Alters?

There's sometimes when I look at pictures that they seem a bit "off". Like today I took a selfie, and my face looks different than usual. All day today my secretarial and ADHD personas were fronting simultaneously yet I look at a selfie from Saturday and it's more "me" looking.

Anyone else experience this? 

Responses

DID Dreaming

I had a dream, and I think in that dream I met my personas, and it all took place in this little campy gay Market called Gay Mart in Palm Springs California.

There were eight different people in the dream that I was all interacting with and two people that I really couldn't see and the feeling that I got from each one of them was like I knew them.

We were all talking about just different things that were kind of relevant in one of them had a different personality, but it felt like my Altars. 

Have any of you ever had dreams where you think you've interacted with your Alters or met them?

Responces